This has been an interesting few days. I’ve reviewed some heavy metal albums, for theindependentvoice.co.uk, and when the editor uploaded one of my works to the site, he actually made it worse. He changed my phrase ‘no, only joking’, to ‘not only joking’, which doesn’t really make sense. It’s certainly no way to start a sentence. How do I know it wasn’t me who made the mistake? Because I spent five hours on the thing! Usually that hilarious anecdote would be among my most compelling. In such a short period of time since my last post, I mean. However, I also got knocked off my bike, going round a mini roundabout, by a moron. Luckily the driver was only going about 5 miles an hour, and amazingly, I did a Bruce Lee and landed on my feet. Better yet, there were a number of witnesses.
In part to celebrate my impressive gymnastics, a few days later, I treated myself to a Starbucks, decaffeinated and caramel coffee. I knew it was decaffeinated, as I asked about it’s contents twice, with a firm tone of voice. It implied I would sue, if they made a mistake. The last time I had caffeine, my heart went apeshit, and although it didn’t quite explode, I was taking no chances, this time. It turns out the coffee tasted amazing, and the thought of pressing charges never entered my mind. However, maybe the staff made their produce extra tasty, just to shut me up. If so, there is a dark underworld going on in the company, that parallels nazi Germany.
Following that deliciousness, I spent a long time going through the terms and conditions of another self-publishing site. That was boring. Less boring, however was updating my previously pen drawn album cover, to a computerised version. Less boring, still, was the fact that the next day, I got talking with someone about meeting up in London. He wanted to discuss comedy ideas with me, and he wanted to see me later, that afternoon. That sounded like fun. After a bit of money-less drama at the train ticket machine, which apparently only accepts credit cards in certain situations (….. why???), I got my pass, and started the journey with a complicated two changes. After waiting around Burger King, for my potential collaborator to turn up, I finally met the guy.
I’ve seen people chat others up in Youtube videos, but I haven’t really seen many people chat women up in the street. I certainly haven’t ever seen someone chat up a different person every few seconds, I’ve never really even heard of such a person. But… there he was, which amused me. This guy seemed fun to hang around with. He didn’t have any success, though he did quite rightly suggest perseverance is key. Unsurprisingly, this man teaches a course on self-confidence. However, I can think of few situations where quite so much confidence is needed. All the scenarios I can come up with, are ones where one fights fires, or one where one shoots at other people, whilst being shot at themselves. If WW3 ever breaks out and you’re feeling nervous, talk to this super-friendly and well educated guy. Better yet, buy his books.
After a number of polite rejections, (on his part, that is, it wasn’t really me to get involved), I came up with the idea of getting a Starbucks coffee; decaffeinated, of course. I explained to my new friend my problems with the mild drug, though he said decaf coffee is worse than what I wanted. Apparently the chemicals that neutralise the caffeine are worse for you than the stuff itself. I responded by saying something roughly like ‘why don’t they just not make the coffee without the caffeine… Is it because the caffeine comes from the leaf?’ Yes, I said ‘leaf’. It wasn’t until a couple of hours later, I realised I should have said ‘bean’. Unfortunately many people heard me make that blunder, but I soon left, anyway. I later looked online, and google informed me that decaf still has around 3% of the narcotics the normal version has. That would explain my lightheadedness, the following day after drinking at Starbucks, and my occasional mild hallucinations. Did I say ‘hallucinations?’ Whoops, that sounded mental. Please ignore that.
It was’t long until we discovered a donut shop, so we stopped there, to exchange comedy ideas concerning stand up routines, and such. Also in the shop were two young women. No surprise, they soon got chatted up by you know who. It turns out they were German, which was fortunate, as I was at the time wearing my Rammstein hoodie, with ‘reise, reise’, written on it. ‘Arise, Arise’, I pointed out, with pride, as I made public my bilingual skills. ‘’Wasser’, also means ‘water’’, I added. ‘Yes, that’s right’, they replied. I’d be lying if I suggested two words impressed them, but it’s a start, isn’t it? Eventually, me and my chum left to head to a comedy club the latter would be performing at. On the way there, and on the subway, I filmed as he performed his standup routine. As I said, the guy’s confident. More so than me, I just felt awkward, but at least no one stopped us.
Soon after arriving at the club, the acts started, and they were pretty good. My first reaction to this was ‘oh super, this won’t be awkward’, though my second, stronger reaction was ‘oh shit, competition’. What disheartened me the most, was the news many of the performers were poor. Well, whatever, I’m sure I’ll find my way eventually, so I’ll keep blogging and such. ‘What happened next?’ you ask? Well…. we went home. That is all for today, other than expect some humorous double actedness in the future! Zbogom!