Today was the day to do some filming, in Oxford Street. Me and my crazy, women-obsessed friend were to discuss our idea for a Youtube video, where he complimented as many people as possible. Yes, he was to go on a frenzied friendly spree whilst I filmed. The theme of the video was understandably confidence building, but it was also about making oneself feel better, in the process. However, seeing as I arrived at the soon to be confused and flattered area about 45 minutes early, I decided to go to an Italian restaurant, and get me a pizza and a milkshake. I consider myself a milkshake connoisseur, as I have consumed an extensive range of flavours, and standards, and now was the time to get evaluating. As I paid around £5 for it, I waited with excited anticipation, only to find it was little more than a glass of milf with poor chocolate powder in it. The bubbles on the top of my drink suggested their secret ingredient was soap. Ah. The pizza was pretty good though, but it better had been, since I paid around £10 for it. After that, I got a super unhealthy Nutella crepe, and met up with my collaborator. But first, he had to get some trademark confidence building chatting up out of the way.
After 18 attempts of approaching the opposite sex, again on his part, we travelled to, and started to film by a busy escalator. ‘Nice beard’, ‘nice glasses’, etc., etc. If there’s any thing or trait in the world you can think of, it was getting celebrated, by the king of idealisation. Most ungrateful people just ignored what people with low self-esteem would die for, but that didn’t matter to him. At least for me, that’s the joy of moving staircases; the individuals riding them disappear in seconds. However if you study with the master of boldness, you will be able to say what you want, anywhere. What will the future internet audience learn from our little social experiment? ‘By believing in others, you will believe in yourself’. Very poetic. Or that the very least, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ Well, I’ll tell you what’s the worst that can happen…
As we wandered round the city, my friend noticed a Bershka shop. Not a berserker shop as he thought. No, a berserker is a Viking warrior, and it wouldn’t be an appropriate name for a charity organisation. But that was a simple mistake. THAT’S the worst that can happen. No only joking, the worst that can happen is checking your pockets to see if you’ve dropped your wallet, keys, phone and train ticket, only to ironically drop the latter in the process…. In the bin. That dumbness happened to me, and I had to get a staff member to open the thing for me, as my arms weren’t long enough to get it. Well, ok, that’s not truly terrible, but if I were to say a bomb went off, it wouldn’t make a funny story. Perhaps what I should have said was ‘what’s the silliest thing that could happen?’, but that just didn’t have the effect I wanted.
After that mild peril, we walked to a local library. Their, my friend with his laptop could check his emails, and such. It was here I continued my super-sugary diet, by purchasing some kind of berry tart. As each berry turned out to be a new disappointment, I learnt I was ripped off, once again. But hey, you live and learn. Eventually. When he was finished catching up, I showed him the damning Youtube video game review of ‘Big Rigs’, by Cinemassacre. It’s a clip I show to everybody, and I strongly recommend you check it out, too. It is fucking hilarious. I’ll tell you what I tell everyone: Big Rigs is a real computer game that you can buy!! Not long after viewing that important eye-opener, (stay safe, and think before parting with your cash), we walked through China town. That’s what they call it, anyway. Maybe ‘China Street’, would have been a more suitable name. You know they don’t have chocolate in China? China world is no different, and for that reason I was unimpressed. And they say China will soon be the world’s biggest superpower. Not to me, they won’t be.
Later on in the day, we met up with another man, no less nuts. Although he had no interest in breaking the confidence personalty’s courtesy record, he still seemed attracted to everyone. When the three of us passed a Scientology recruitment centre, the newcomer said ‘hey, let’s go in there’, merrily….. Yeaaaah…. I wasn’t too excited about the idea. Before we got a chance to, we were approached by a Scientologist, who started talking about his… different set of beliefs. Our small group were offered a personality test, by him, that apparently took an hour to complete. I was a little relieved to hear it took the religious converter a good 60 minutes to own our souls, but I still felt uneasy. After all of us were invited into the building by him, I soon just left without my perhaps soon to be oppressed friends and waited outside. All that stuff’s too much for me. Anyway, I had to go to the London Comedy Writer’s meeting, in London Bridge, soon after… So I did! Don't worry, I did tell them. If you want to hear a story about me getting on the tube, there is something seriously wrong with you. All in all, a good day. Lamtumire!