Time for another blog, I think. Once again, I haven’t really done anything. Nothing new, anyway. However, there are some things I could have done, but admirably didn’t. I have recently been made an editor of the music website theindependentvoice.org, which means I have the power to alter other people’s album reviews. However, what’s really exciting, is the fact I can change other people’s work at the same time as they are writing. What’s even better still is the reviewers don’t know this. I can write things such as ‘I’m your subconscious, and I think you’re a bellend. Sort yourself out,’ for example. The poor author would be thinking ‘oh, no, I’m going mad and have written things without thinking about it!’ You think you’re going mad? Yeah, well that’s how I fucking feel all the time!!! But anyway, I’ve never done that, so I’ve given myself a pat on the back.
I could have also let a brother-less Christmas get to me, but instead I’ve planned myself a relaxing Alan Partridge style Christmas Eve ramble, in Richmond park. I would have liked to have gone on Christmas day, but the trains aren’t running then. How selfish of the drivers. Think of all the poor, stranded grannies who won’t be able to travel to their loved ones. What’s Christmassy about that? That doesn’t matter though, as I’m intending to go on a smaller wander in a nearby countryside area, on the 25th. Should be fun. Not THAT much fun, but it’s better than nothing. I’m also going to treat myself to a hardcore alcohol and chocolate binge. It really is the one day of the year where I stick my fingers up to any kind of health concerns. Still though, I’m not going to drink and drive. Just to be clear, that is. Although I want Jesus’s birthday to be more exciting, that’s far too much excitement for me.
Here’s another example of a time I pulled through in a way… When Christmas shopping and searching for the aftershave my brother wanted, I didn’t know where to look. I travelled to a good three shops and kept looking. Granted, one of them only sold clothes, and in the end I gave up on my quest, but it’s the thought that counts. I did get him his second choice of man perfume instead, so that’s enough, right? Other gifts I purchased included two identical, small collections of chocolates (one to give away and one for me to test) and less excitingly, a bunch of Yule cards, and such. What I also did because I’m nice, was buy shiny, papery present decorations in the shapes of 3D stars. I just couldn’t resist - they were just too shiny. And 99p. Lastly, I bought my dad a big bottle of expensive-ish wine, again which I intend to thoroughly examine. With my mouth and stomach.
Now for the blog summary: Don’t let anything destroy Christmas! Don’t ruin your professional reputation by acting in immature and evil ways even if you think it’s funny. Make the most of the day as much as you can, as it only comes once a year! Eat and drink as much as possible, until you’re sick everywhere. Maybe watch Toy Story, Diehard or whatever you’re into. Furthermore, never stop looking for aftershave, no matter how elusive it is. (However, if you are given a second choice as an alternative, it’s fine to just get that. Fuck it). Well, they’re my views, anyway. I think I’m right, though. What I’m sure we all agree on however, is don’t break the law. Do you want to end up in jail and have a sad Christmas?? That’s what I thought. Let’s end things with a religious and seasonal joke for the musicians out there: Did you know Jesus Christ was a great guitarist? His favourite chord was Je-sus 2. Like that one? I have a variation… Did you know Jesus Christ was a great guitarist? His favourite chord was Je-sus 4. That’s all from me, once again. Ciaooooooooooooooo……