In a first for me and perhaps the world, I’ve started writing this blog in the wrong order; it’s being made after I’ve written blog 52. Why isn’t this blog called number 52 instead? Read the entry coming this Thursday. Or don’t, the explanation isn’t particularly interesting. The reason for writing this blog isn’t the best one I’ve ever had - I simply want to get 53 ones done before my first journal anniversary, on Feb 10th. If I do that, I can claim that on average I’m writing more than one blog a week. However, luckily my dog has eaten my shoes, meaning I have something to write about. Well, I don’t know. I mean I’m miffed, but there’s not necessarily a story, in it. No, I have to try, I need to sound impressive. When my dog ate my trainers, something extraordinary happened. Because of my extreme annoyance at having to walk around with mangled shoes and look like I have no money (and what’s really painful is I don’t), my feet hardened, through willpower alone. They became leather and not only that, they looked like the finest damn boots you could ever imagine. Ok, we both know that’s a lie, or as psychiatrists would say ‘a crazy lie’. But it took up some space on the page, didn’t it?
So, I’m going into ‘Staines Upon Thames’ tomorrow to get some new ‘sneakers’ (for the Americans). Note that I didn’t say ‘Staines’, no the name has been changed (hardly, right?), because of the whole Ali G association. Lol. I’ve never met anyone who calls the place it’s totally new title, despite the huge, nutty event that followed the renaming. I’m also planning to get a foot long Subway, which is fair enough - I need to eat - and some very nice Thornton’s chocolate. Which again, is fair enough. I need to eat. Mmm. I do like chocolate, to be clear once more. Because of the brain medicine that I’m on, which was at first known for strangely killing people, (that’s how you know it’s effective) I have to have blood tests once a month. At these blood thefts, I ask for my blood sugar levels to be taken, and I’m happy to say I got the pleasing score of 4.7. On with the sugar binges. I think I’ll carry this blog on tomorrow, after I get some inspiration.
Ok, it’s now Wednesday and I’ll be leaving for Staines in a short while. Right now, I’m telling myself that I’m being thoughtful as I’m blogging, but at the end of the day I’m wasting time. How many times can you write about doing nothing? I’ve done it maybe four or five times now and this time I’m really pushing my luck. Maybe I should just make something up, again. I’ve grown lasers on my toes that are stopping crime? Oh, forget it. How about something more believable? I own a laser pen. No, it’s true, I do. It’s not worth telling people about though, is it? That’s what happens when I listen to music whilst typing; my cognitive abilities diminish. No joke, I’m turing my CD player off right now and I’m going to work harder. Ahh. That’s better. I kind of miss the background ambience, though. No! It’s not worth it! Visualise the Subway in your mouth, it will make you feel better! Think of the top end chocolate! Ok, after pumping myself and coming up with a healthy paragraph, now I'm going...
I’m back! Or as Joey from Joey’s World Tour would say (find him on Youtube) I’m baaaaaaaiaiaiaiaiiiiiiiick. Don’t misinterpret things there, I’m not taking the piss. His minimalist catchphrase is actually one of my main motivations for watching his videos. Anyway, what do I have to say now? I guess that I didn’t get the trainers I wanted, as they weren’t available in my size, but my second choice wasn’t bad either. That’s something that at least resembles an anecdote. Hopefully my dog won’t think my trainsneaks are food. Was my Subway good? Hmmm… It was better than nothing at least. Not a great advertising slogan though, is it? ‘Subway: It’s better than nothing’. Actually, that might work, it’s certainly memorable, isn’t it? As they say ‘there’s no such thing as bad publicity’. Hang on… What about the headline ’DIY Sandwich Guys (the fictional establishment) employees make bread using evil nazi cooking methods’? That wouldn’t go down well. The vagueness of the heading is perhaps what would be most chilling. Just to be absolutely clear for the final time, Subway’s employees are not nazis. That is all from me, once more. Ciao!