Hello! You may have noticed I haven’t written a journal in a while. Why could that be? Well, I’ve just finished reviewing a record (for me) 9 albums for theindependentvoice.org, and quite frankly I’m knackered. Those assignments took priority over my web pages for no reason, other than I wanted to get them out of the way. Maybe I should have spaced my music working out so I could add some blogs in-between, but hey, it’s too late now, isn’t it? As always, it’s cool that I’m completely dominating the site I’m helping out, and everyone can see my name so many times in a row, but it would be nice if I was getting paid by my bosses. Not to worry, do I have some reviewing anecdotes for you, or what? That’s at least something. After telling you those, I will move onto various thoughts I’ve been having recently and for the grand finale, I will be writing about the time I visited the dentist. Enjoy!
Reviews, then… The one that stands out the most, is the 2.5 out of 5 I gave to a mediocre and really noisy industrial band. I wasn’t expecting to get a like from the group on Facebook after posting my far from adoring critique and I certainly wasn’t expecting them to share it with around 30 people and to quote one of my lines on their site. I didn’t even say anything deep or original, suggesting the band were assuming I was going to say their music was a load of poop. It kind of was a lot of the time, but it was artistic poo that pushed boundaries and was well thought out. Well not poo, just very very hard on the eardrums. Fortunately most of the albums I wrote about were more melodic. Often cheesy as hell, but with great guitar playing. Sweep picking, tapping, all sorts of stuff. Ok, so I only really have one anecdote, not more as I previously suggested. But… it’s too late now. Well it’s not I could just delete what I said, but screw it.
Like I always do, I’ve also been writing more jokes, but this time some of them I chose not to post on my Twitter page. For whatever reason most of my followers are Arabic (I have no idea what’s going on), and as my jokes are sometimes terrorist themed, I didn’t want to offend them by possibly implying I thought Arabs are evil. Here’s one I came up with. I’ll post it here, because if you are familiar with my work on this site, you will know I often point out that nazis and racists in general are simply not on. Furthermore, if you’ve read my crime novel One Screwy Week, you’ll learn that whole gangs of them get thwarted in the end, quite frankly by idiots. Here goes… Why do terrorists tell people to wear multicoloured contact lenses? Because they radical-eyes people.
It’s been a while since I wrote the book just mentioned, and I would love to write a sequel to it. However, unsurprisingly that would take a lot of effort, and no one I know at this time will pay me to do so. That’s a shame because I have a few ideas for one. One such idea is a Spiderman like character who helps solve crimes that regular police simply can’t. However, he is so valued by them, he is allowed to steal from old ladies and joyride cars. Here’s some dialogue for my potential project…
OLD LADY: Did you see that?? That flying man stole my handbag!!
POLICEMAN: Yeah….
OLD LADY: Aren’t you going to stop him??
POLICEMAN: It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just most of the things he does is really great. He once caught a man jumping from a building. Of course he stole his wallet afterwards…
OLD LADY: Wow… What a weird thing to do…
POLICEMAN: Tell me about it. We at the station just call him ‘eccentric’.
A good idea, isn’t it? And after that exciting preview, here comes the big subject, as promised!…
Like most people, I HATE going to dentist. However, I have more reason than most to fear the places, as the abuse I subject my teeth to is quite unreasonable; fizzy non-alcoholic beers, cakes, chocolate and all that tasty poison. Mmm. Against all odds however, I was told my teeth were perfectly fine! A bit mangy maybe, but that’s what my next appointment will sort out. I left the doctors with a spring in my step and walked back to my car. Then I realised I forgot to pay the people there. I was in such a good mood I chose not to stealthily rob them and went back to place. They didn’t even notice I didn’t give them any money. Clearly I could have easily kept that £50 pounds they earned, simply by jabbing my teeth with sharp metal instruments, but I don’t even care. Thinks could have been SO much worse. How much worse? Let’s take a trip back to Victorian times…
You may have heard stories in the 1800s where people’s teeth mysteriously exploded. Apparently no one has an explanation for those happenings, even to this day. Thank God my teeth weren’t like THAT. Apparently the pain felt before the detonations was absolute agony. If the pain was so unbearable for the victims and the only release they got was when literally deafening mini grenades finally exploded in their mouthes, (no joke whatsoever), it makes you ask the question; why not get the things removed? Again, all of that insanity and lack of common sense is no concern of mine at this time. Happy days! Bye!