Christmas! To start it off, I gave myself a shave. However, I rushed the whole session, resulting in three very close together cuts below my lower lip. Was that a warning of things to come? ‘The omen of the three cuts’. That sounds like a legit voodoo tale, doesn’t it? Having just googled the phrase, it seems that I made it up, though. However, in hindsight it was actually quite prophetic. It could be said that each very minor wound represented a trouble that would come later on in the day. After going for a brief walk, I heard my dad on the phone to my brother, saying that after the pub meal we would all be going to, the sibling would be travelling to his own house and leaving me pretty much on my own, like last Christmas. That was certainly one thing that went very badly. BUT it seems I misheard the conversation and it turned out the whole family would be celebrating together. Phew!
About the meal we went to, then. Well, it was festive food, so it should come as no surprise when I say that I ate some turkey and Christmas pudding. Far more interesting than that, were the conversations we had when chowing down. We discussed why aliens haven’t visited Earth yet (or why they have kept their mouths shut about it, if they did), any many profound insights were shared. George Carlin may be a comedian, but when he suggested that aliens didn’t visit our planet because humans have tendencies to kill and eat everything, I think he made a very valid point. That has always been my favourite theory, personally. Especially as once I got home, I did something that would be most likely horrifying to extra terrestrials.
What could that be? It involves traditional Scandinavian fermented fish. What kind of person eats a dead animal and pukes it back up just for fun? I’ll tell you who: Me. Having opened the tin case, I was a little disappointed as the smell was nowhere near as strong as I was expecting it to be, but my God was the smell nasty. It smelt like Hell, itself. Apparently the taste isn’t supposed to be as bad as the aroma, but after having put some of the meal into my mouth, I immediately started retching, and coughed up a little bit of sick. If I didn’t spit the food out, God knows how bad things could have been for me. Sound appetising to you? Not to me it doesn’t, so why the hell is it considered a delicacy?? If the ancient Vikings ate it as special treats (I’m not going to do any research into the matter, just in case I’m wrong and have to discard an interesting point) it makes you wonder what they ate that was even worse than it. It kind of explains why so many of them were driven to murder and pillage. Fermented fish is a food that definitely drove me crazy at least temporally.
After that unusual experience, my family played on the Playstation Classic I bought my brother as a present. One of the games on it was Twisted Metal. I used to love the game when it first came out, but my God do the graphics suck on it, having compared it to modern Xbox releases. It was almost hard to believe I got any fun out of it at all. For whatever reason, my dog had been eating up my special fish in secret and started licking people as we gamed. Now we smelled of the stuff, too. After an hour or so, my brother and his family went home, so out of boredom, I cycled to a not far away countryside area for a bit of a ramble. It was at that point I noticed the traces of fish on me started to almost smell quite pleasant in a very strange way. If extremely diluted, it could perhaps be an ingredient in a perfume. Again, what would aliens think of humans if they put rotting fellow animals on each other when they go out on dates? Most like ‘demented savages’. :S
To finish the day in private, I watched The Godfather; a DVD I bought myself as a present. According to IMDb, it’s supposed to be the second best film of all time. After about an hour into it, I was thinking to myself… ‘Why?…’ But then again I wasn’t really paying attention to the dialogue. You wouldn’t review a book without reading it properly, would you? As in ‘what did you think of the novel I gave you?’ ‘I thought it was a bit boring, actually.’ ‘Did you read it, then?’ ‘No of course I didn’t f**king read it’. Not a very intelligent thing to say, obviously. Ok, to sum up, what were the three bad things of the day? No. 1: Fermented fish making me puke. No. 2: Family leaving home early, making me bored, and No. 3: Disappointing film. That’s all from me, once again……………. Bye!