Oh boy, am I (mildly) excited as type this stuff on a Saturday. Chocolate is coming tomorrow! As you may remember, I’ve cut most of the sugar out of my life and am now eating mere normal portions of the stuff. Easter is time to let loose! I don’t what what eggs I’m going to get, but I’m hoping for some Ferrero Rocher stuff. If I get some lower quality products that I’m not too much a fan of, I’ll probably just buy my own. That’s maybe a bit of a sad thing to do, but on the plus side I SHOULD be eating in the company of a variety of family members. At least I hope I will be. Eating chocolate I bought for myself and all alone would be particularly sad. Bet let’s hope that doesn’t happen.
As I’ve reduced my sugar intake, I’ve noticed I feel a tiny, tiny bit sick after getting my highly sought after milkshakes from GBK. I think that’s probably a good sign, as to me it suggests I’m no longer desensitised to the stuff; but I’m no health professional. It could actually be a bad thing, but let’s not dwell on it. My blood sugar levels are fine, so f**k it. That wasn’t doctor’s advice, but who cares? Anyway, God knows how I’m going to feel on Sunday. I may have to puke up everywhere. But would that mean I could consume even more goodies as I wouldn’t have properly digested them? No. That would mean I had an eating disorder. Probably best not to go down that road.
What am I going to do in the meantime? Well, I’ve been working on a new monologue, but it isn’t really going anywhere. I would be exaggerating if i said I was too pumped up to concentrate, and that would be a poor excuse for anyone over the age of ten to use. However, I have the mental age of a nine year old, so maybe I could get away with it. No, only joking. But that’s what I could say. You know what? I’m going back to my solo stick (monologue). I’ll finish this blog when I’m off my face on glucose!
Well, well, well. It’s Sunday and it turns out I’m a very sad individual. In more ways than one, too. The family get together has been postponed to Monday so, yep… I’m all alone. Furthermore, yesterday and post blogging, I did actually buy my own easter egg (or two), to really celebrate. Well technically, my dad paid for them, so maybe it’s not so bad. To be specific, I got the classic FR egg and the more childish (apparently) Kinder Surprise egg. But how the hell can any chocolate be childish?? What does childishness taste like? Ok, I got a dumb toy sheep keyring with the KS, clearly meant for 5-10 year old girls, but I did break it instead of keeping it, so it’s all fine. I considered attaching it to my own keys as a joke, but I thought better of it. With incredible foresight, I saw myself getting laughed at, at the local gym as I carried the thing with me.
So I’m eating chocolate in my room. Great!! Obviously that was sarcasm, but should it have been? As I’m not being distracted by anyone, it does mean I have the opportunity to really savour my food. That’s the problem with restaurants. I would be clearly be wrong if I said people might as well be eating supermarket meals in them, but you get my point. If people would just eat in silence they would actually taste the subtle herbs and spices. Well, that’s the theory. Which is why I plan on opening my groundbreaking establishment called ‘Silent Simon’s Comedy Foodery.’ It will be placed on a lone deserted mountain, many many miles away from any noisy traffic. You have to get there by helicopter, the things aren’t allowed to fly in eating hours, and cutlery isn’t allowed. Who likes hearing metallic screeches, right? Yes, the customers have the eat everything (including soup) with their hands. THAT would be an experience.
It’s about an hour later and put simply, I’m not feeling well. Just an extra reason to stop abusing chocs, so I think I’m going to commit to my fasting. (From tomorrow). I think I may have just consumed at least 5 times the daily recommended allowance of sugar in fact. In most easters, I would consider such eating habits harmless tomfoolery. However this coming Tuesday, I will be routinely having my blood taken along with my blood sugar level. What if it’s through the roof because of my so called innocent and infantile food? (Yeah, like anything childish can give you diabetes. If anything Kinder Surprise are hardcore and rock ’n’roll). Anyway, it wouldn’t be good would it? Well, I think I’ll continue writing this blog tomorrow. Hopefully the day won’t suck!
Ok, the day does suck because the get together has been cancelled. It’s interesting that I’ve written so much about something that never happened and never will. Not to worry, I think I’ll go for a long and lovely bike ride in the sun, later. That will be nice. Right now I’m enjoying some crisps. Nothing to do with the holidays, right? Wrong, potatoes are (roughly) egg shaped. So there. Are all things egg shaped to do with the religious festival? I don’t know. There are hand grenades. As in the holy hand grenades you may know of, if you’re a Monty Python fan. Ok, they're not easter holy hand grenades, but they're still to do with Jesus. Moving on, of course I’m typing this up as well as eating. I really should be getting my family to do the work for me as compensation, but I don’t trust them with it. Let’s get this thing proofread and posted!