Yesterday, I went to the Canal Cafe Theatre in London to watch the best sketches the members of the London Comedy Writers have come up with, over the last two years. (Apparently). Due to more expert planning, the only mishap on my train travels was when I banged my elbow on something. Could have I prepared for that? Some people have the attitude ‘always be prepared for everything’, but come on. How much energy would that take up? Is it practical to list all the possible injuries you may get? What kind of person writes a huge essay on broken ankles, broken legs, broken arms, etc. every time they go out? Don’t you think that’s a little OTT? Exactly. Which is why me banging my arm was inevitable. Sure you may not do the same, but that’s what happens to me, that’s all. I have my own, more important things on my mind, such as how to make people who DON’T get hurt look like the idiots. Did I do that? Yeah, I think so.
As I found the on-foot trek to the venue to be pretty straightforward the last time I went to it, I assumed I wouldn’t have to draw a detailed map, when doing my planning yestermorning. However, I later found my my map to be so vague, it was basically useless. As I didn’t bother writing any road names, I needed some sort of drone with me to see where I was. But I didn’t have a drone. Not to worry, I did indeed find the place relatively easily after a little trial and error. Then again, it was only a three minute walk.
When I got to the establishment’s restaurant area, I noticed the bar was decorated with some kind of bubble design, that looked 3D. However, when I touched it, I found it to be completely flat. I pointed that out to a few people, but sadly they weren’t as excited as me. Note to self: Don’t get others to feel various objects - it makes them feel uncomfortable. I got talking to one of the runners of the show, and he said he nearly had one of my sketches put in it. But he didn’t. I’m not sure why he had to give me such pointless if not frustrating news, but I guess you could take it as a compliment.
What REALLY wasn’t on, was a member of staff using a disabled toilet. Sure there were no disabled people in the area, so the worker wasn’t causing any trouble, but still, he took away that special feeling people get when they have something completely to themselves. I didn’t complain about him, but I did keep an eye on him. Had I not eaten such a delicious burger and cheesecake a few minutes prior, my mood could have been far less reasonable. After not too long a time (again, I was feeling confident with my planning, so I didn’t have to spend hours sitting around to be safe), we were all called to watch the performance upstairs.
The show was perfectly reasonable, but I don’t know. I just think it needed something more. Something more of me. Never mind. On the plus side, it was filled with action and even replica (I hope) guns! Fortunately I was sitting near the back of the room, making me a difficult target if they were real. Performers with a big ego can get upset if you don’t laugh enough. Again, I was entertained, but my cider sedated me a bit, and really that was for the best. Maybe if my material was performed, I…. Oh, never mind. Anyway, a lot of the gig was pure filth, so I think it’s best to move on and not risk being demonetised.
After the show, I saw the guy I talked with in Acton. The one who gave me the wrong directions. Fearing he would do the same again, I ignored him and tried to find my own way to my home station. Which I did. Almost flawlessly but not quite. I give myself B + . As I walk home from there, I always pass the primary school I went to. But walking by it isn’t enough. I want to have a wander around the various rooms for old time's sake. Sure, I can go to them when it’s time to vote, but it’s not the same. I want to be there completely on my own. My dreams can only be realised if I break in at night with a torch, but I know that will never happen. I suppose I could work as a janitor, but I think that’s a bit extreme.
And for the 167th time… … … .. .. . Bye!