7Bone can’t deliver to me, so it’s time to take things into my own hands and drive to them. Am I scared? Of course I am. For the post-car walk, I’ve drawn a map, but it’s super basic and may contain mistakes. Because I rushed it. Out of arrogance, that I’m now regretting. ‘Why don’t you draw the map more carefully, right now?’ Well ‘map arrogance’ (a very rare but real condition) doesn’t just go away on its own. I’d need therapy, and who specialises in the disorder? No one on Google, anyway. I know the thought of ‘MA’ may sound crazy to you, but yeah. It’s a complex disorder. However, if my map is fine, I should be able to find the restaurant in about 3 minutes after leaving my car. What happens if I meet my target? Maybe I’d get even more cocky and draw worse maps in the future. What happens if I get lost? Do I get my act together and draw better maps? No. I just lose all hope. That’s why it’s such a cruel condition - you can’t win. Yes, yes, yes, I’ve written about getting lost maybe dozens of times now, so let’s hope things go well. Otherwise, get ready for a boring blog. Ok, let’s leave for the foodery now!
I’m back!
The walk did indeed take about 3 minutes! Not only has that contributed to the obscure map arrogance, it has also contributed to the just as rare and just as serious time arrogance. I haven’t yet reached the point where I shove the elderly out of the way if I’m behind them in queues - that’s for later. Rather my entitlement has reached the point where I think to myself ‘hurry up’. Terrible, I know. So success, I found the place! I was actually the first person there. I was hoping for a lighthearted comment such as ‘you must be really enthusiastic!’ and a smile, but I get it; they’re open every day so the novelty wears off. Fine. And then disaster! I was told I needed an app to order my food! And as we all know, I keep my mobile phone snug and safe at home 24/7. An app for buying something? That’s never happened to me before. Why do I need an app? How complicated does the act of buying a single meal have to be? What’s the app supposed to do? Record how much I’ve spent? THAT’S WHAT CASH MACHINES ARE FOR! Luckily however, the staff were kinder than I was letting on, and said it would be fine if I had no mobile on me. Phew!
When I selected my burger, I was told it would be pink. I know this may sound crazy, but I thought that meant it would be sold raw or at least something like that. Did I have to cook it or something? Or was it just ultra rare? Surely most people don’t like eating burgers that are hardly cooked? Maybe that’s why 7bone had such a great reputation all of a sudden. Maybe uncooked beef actually tastes delicious. After all that time, the truth was just staring at everyone right in the face. Then it was explained it was pink in the middle. Ok. No problem at all, that’s how I like my burgers. Then I chose my chips. You can’t really go wrong with chips, right? So basically I chose them at random. The shake on the other hand, was pondered over much more carefully. Naturally, I froze with fear when I saw the coffee shakes. (If there are no coffee shakes, 7Bone, I made them up out of paranoia, sorry). I thought ‘you can’t go wrong with salted caramel’, so I got that. Mh-hm! After it was made, I was offered TWO straws, just in case! Now that’s service. Only one was necessary as it was extra sturdy, though. But it wasn’t made of metal or anything like that, so it wouldn’t have given off a funny taste. On first impressions, it really was the perfect straw. Gourmet Burger Kitchen, take note. The walk back to my car was just as big a success as the first trip, but of course the latter didn’t result in the same sense of achievement.
When I got home, it was eating/slurping time! Was the straw just as good as I hoped? Yes, and so much more. Not only were the materials very well thought out, the size of the hole was just right - I didn’t have to suck extra hard to drink the stuff. Again, GBK, you need to do some rethinking. I have to be honest, YOUR straws were frustrating. I get it, you think this stuff doesn’t matter, only a crazy person would obsess about such things. Only someone who needs to draw a map of a three minute walk with only two possible roads to go down would complain. Well… it’s just happened. Was the 7 burger better than GBK’s meat as my brother claimed? Hm, not sure. I’d say they were roughly the same quality. But the chips? Def better. And the milkshake? Holy moly. I thought GBK had the holy grail of shakes, but 7bone shakes take things to a whole new level, really. Actually I’d say it was the best shake of my life. Will I be getting a milkshake every week like I used to? No. Those days are gone. I’m not happy they’re gone, but at the same time, it’s best to move on. I’m 34 years old. It’s weird. Only joking, of course being weird doesn’t bother me, I just can’t be bothered! Bye!