I’ve been to Staines again! Why? To get presents for a double birthday! Yep, my nephew AND sister in law were born on the same day. A double B-day sure sounds exciting, even single birthdays are fab, but sadly I won’t be part of the celebrations. I get that, not my child, not my wife. Imagine someone turning up everywhere you are, even if he was a relative. e.g. ‘Knock knock, it’s Simon! Happy birthday, I know you have two celebrations on the same day!…’ Then it’s ‘Hello, it’s Simon! I know you have a dentist appointment!’, then it’s ‘Hello, I know you have an MOT’, etc., etc. That kind of behaviour isn’t too far away from slashing tires so an appointment at a car specialist is vital. Then I’ll be there, waiting with a smile and a card. It is with much shame I say the main reason I wanted to go to the town was because of the milkshake. I’ve tried two before, there are I think 6 to get through. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be talking about the drinks very shortly. Try to live vicariously.
Would you believe the car park ticket machine gave me 50p for free? There is little you can buy with that amount of money sure, but there are so many rules of the road, so many ways you can get fined. When you essentially ‘fine’ someone else, albeit dishonestly, it is satisfying. I just think to myself ‘no, you do something for me’. And the ticket machine did, buy giving me 50p. As I was in sunny weather, I soon thought of my nose, if too late - I should have applied suncream. It got sunburnt last week and it still hasn’t completely healed. Not only time for clever shopping, but clever avoidance of sun. Luckily there was a reasonable amount of shade to take advantage of, and naturally the shops were indoors. The first present I got was a couple of toy guns that fired discs (no, that wasn’t for my sister in law, but if she is into that, I wouldn’t judge), and the second was a huge bar of chocolate, that time for my sis in law. My family gives me too much of the stuff, time for some reciprocation.
You’d think the birthday card shopping would be straightforward, but some of the cards were overly sentimental which I didn’t think was appropriate. I have to be honest, they were borderline creepy, at least coming from me. Next was the shopping for me! I’ve heard Mastodon’s latest music recently, and I liked it very much. The singer sure has a nice voice when he isn’t screaming his head off, it seems he’s matured. He doesn’t scream all the time in his earlier stuff, but his voice wasn’t as good, back then. Maybe it’s a different singer, maybe he got lessons. Or third possibility, I don’t really know what I’m talking about. If so, whoops. Anyway, the CD I wanted was available in the place! Now for the real highlight of the day… Yes! The shake! Of course it was delicious, but I did have one criticism about the container the drink was served in. It just looked a tiny bit weird. There’s a scene in Alan Partridge where a crazy person gives Alan a drink in a washing powder dispenser, and it was just ever so slightly like that in Staines. Not worryingly so, but it was noticeable.
When leaving the cafe, I had to worry about my nose again. Time for some more clever sun dodging. There was a bit of traffic in the car park making hiding from Sol impossible, but nothing too serious. I hope. Otherwise it’s nose cancer. But I’m sure it’s not. When I got home, I finally put suncream on my nose. Just to check if you’re allowed to put it there, I read the instructions. You can, but would you believe you can’t put it in your eyes? That’s what the product says. Please tell me some people put or at least consider putting sun cream on their eyes. It also says ‘apply generously’… Generous is a strange word to use in this case. It would be like saying ‘here you go arm, lots of sun cream for you! Have as much as you like! No problem for me, take it all, arm!’ Another person to avoid. Right! Day out summarised! Bye!