This time Matt Jones has a video called ‘Can you really be addicted to anything?’ Dear God, yes! Sugar. Long term readers will know I’ve battled with such an addiction over many, many years, and that sadly, I’ve given up. Screw it. And of course, it’s not just the so called ‘milder’ things you can be addicted to, heroin is notoriously addictive. I’VE HEARD. I haven’t done heroin, I’ve just heard it can kill you. Thus, the users can be addicted to death. ‘Addicted to Death’? Sounds like a Metallica album. It’s improvement over the band’s ‘Death Magnetic’ in that death isn’t magnetic. If it was, dead people would stick to each other. Very odd. Matt also said that he’s never been to Underearners Anonymous. I was thinking to myself ‘Yep. That’s because it doesn’t exist.’ However, having Googled it, it does. Sorry, Matt. He then says he’s been really broke and that he’s looked for quarters, which I think are worth 25 cents? That would make sense, anyway. You don’t get quarters of pounds in England, rather 20p coins and 50p coins. Funnily enough, quarter pounders in England are burgers of all things.
Anyway, Matt’s addictions: He has been addicted to coffee! Ah, another person who has troubles with the so called ‘softer substances’. See? Proof that I’m not alone. I totally get being addicted to coffee. Well not COFFEE as it drives me mad, but hot chocolate, milkshakes, and ginger beer, I do get. Matt says the caffeine makes him feel optimistic. Interestingly for me, caffeine has the exact opposite effect - I feel paranoid and like the TV is threatening me. I could turn it off, but what would I miss? Maybe something important. Scary stuff. But everyone’s different. Yes, yes, yes, I’m addicted to pizza too, but I’ve never made any attempt at giving that food up, unlike sugar. Making you fatter is one thing, but rotting your teeth? That’s crossing a line. Admirably Matt said he once bought a coffee then flushed it down the toilet. Such willpower! I’ve never flushed a bar of chocolate down the toilet. Though to be fair, if I got caught trying I’d have some serious explaining to do to my dad. ‘No I don’t think chocolates are the enemy, please don’t tell anyone. Who are you phoning??’
Matt says he’s also been addicted to supplements. That seems a little weirder to me, because the Vitamin D supplements I take taste of chalk. If you’re addicted to chalk you do have a problem as that stuff IS bad for you. Seriously, don’t eat chalk or you will be in agony! For a while I was on harder vit D supplements where you put a capsule in your mouth and burst it. A very satisfying feeling that maybe Matt can relate to? I don’t know. This is just an idea, forgive me if I’m sounding weird to you, but there are sweets out there than can give similar, fun bursting effects. Yes, eating them will make you look like a child, but you’ll look better than when you eat chalk, that’s for sure. Here’s a thought: Is there anything that you can’t over do? Hm. Tough one. Ah breathing. Of course you can’t over breathe. Sadly breathing addiction isn’t a thing. Imagine if you were addicted to the thrill of breathing. The happiest guy alive. And please for the love of God don’t try and give up your addiction, whatever you do.
Check out his video below!
Now to change the subject! I recently saw an advert on TV saying cigarette butts take 14 years to degrade. A perfectly reasonable ad, but for whatever reason on first view I was expecting it say say ’14 years to go out’. I guess I was thinking it was an advert about the risk of fire. Come on. 14 years? That can’t be true. They were perhaps the weirdest few seconds I’ve had all year. I mean people are excited about the latest nuclear fusion techniques, but to me, cigarette butts not being effect by the cold, damp OR any of the laws of physics? I’m not saying one of those cigarettes are good for you, if you swallow one you’re in very serious trouble, but they are impressive. Oh yeah, they don’t take 14 years to go out. But if they did? Wow. And on that thoughtful note, bye!