Yesterday, I visited my brother’s family, to see his new baby boy, that was born on the same day as his mother! I was thinking to myself ‘Wow… What are the odds of that?’ I’m glad I didn’t say that to anyone, as it’s obvious - 1 in 365. However, I think the question was clearly written on my face. Still though, if my family was thinking I was an idiot, they have no solid proof. To celebrate the occasion, I got the new mother a birthday card, a congratulations card, and some chocolates. Sadly however, when writing ‘To Lauren’, it looked more like ‘To Lower’, which is obviously very offensive. You wouldn’t write ‘To lowlife’ or ‘scumbag’ on a birthday card would you? The annoying thing is, I wrote it the same way on both cards AND envelopes. A four pronged attack of hate. Luckily I didn’t write ‘lower’ or ‘idiot’ on my box of chocolates, as that would be harder to explain. Most people don’t write on the see-through plastic coverings you get on gifts. Frustratingly my sister in law was in bed for the whole visit, so I’ll never know if she took my presents the wrong way.
Anyway, upon seeing the baby, I kind of had urges to poke it. Not in the eyes or anything, of course not, just its feet or face. Of course asking to do so would make me feel uncomfortable, so simply looking at it would have to do. For whatever reason, apparently the baby didn’t have its umbilical chord removed, but I couldn’t see, as the baby had a baby shirt. I have no idea if that’s normal or not. I don’t know what the scene in the hospital was like after the birth if keeping the chord isn’t normal. I’m picturing nurses not knowing what they’re doing, absolute chaos, and full blown horror. I’m reminded of a certain infamous Tom Green film. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s probably for the best. However, as my sister in law is a nurse, I’m 100% sure she could deal with any such nonsense and stop if from happening. It may be funny in the film, but in reality, it’s absolutely NOT on.
Moving onto my three year old niece, I noticed her writing with her right hand. On the one hand, that should make her less accident prone than lefties, but the downside is if she ever got into a toddler fight, she wouldn’t have the element of surprise a left hook or uppercut would bring. Only joking, her rumbling with other mini people sounds extremely unlikely. Unless she wants to enter a toddler karate class, but sadly I don’t think they exist. Let’s check online… Actually they do! That sounds like quite the spectacle. Let’s get booking some lessons, then. Should be cool. I’m picturing karate chops, flying kicks, and all sorts of sweet moves. Unfortunately kung fu is completely out of the question for my nephew. All he was really capable of was looking tired/bored.
After the baby gazing, me, my brother and my dad planned to watch some Youtube videos, in particular ones of Sean Lock. My brother asked me how to spell the star’s name. A-ha! My time to shine! It’s S, E, A, N, not S, H, A, U, N. An easy mistake to make. I don’t mean to brag, but I know how to spell Peter Serafinowicz. Other than Sean and Peter Serofinowich, actually my spelling is fairly unspectacular. Really my skills are limited to every day words, Sean, and of course, Peter Serrafinowhich. My brother explained how after Shorn’s death, the video sharing site recommended loads of his videos. Me too! I like to think the guy is spamming himself from beyond the grave. That’s what I’d do, anyway. Sure some will say my time would be better spent looking after others, but… Na.
That was the day out, really. I guess my gifts have been opened, now. I’m praying the reaction was gratitude, rather than horror or rage, but I’d rather take the risk than getting my sister in law nothing. How would I explain that to her? I had a fear of calling her a lowlife? Because of poor handwriting? Sounds a bit random. Here’s a nice thought: My SiL can say to her baby ‘You know what my best birthday present was? It was you!’ Isn’t that sweet? Unless of course she really likes chocolates, then it wouldn’t be true. No, super joking this time. She likes her baby more than even the FINEST sugary treats out there. :O Bye!