Easter, Easter! How exciting! Like millions of others I’m sure, I’ve eaten a load of chocolate on my own in my room. Is that REALLY a cause for celebration? Tragically, yes, relatively speaking. But at least there are plenty of others in my situation. Anyway, what’s with all the chocolate? How does it relate to Jesus rising from the dead? Bill Hicks pointed out something similar. I guess eggs could symbolise rebirth, but Jesus never HATCHED. Hot cross buns at least partially sound like they could be religious, but they certainly aren’t in practice. Can you imagine if Jesus fed the masses with loaves, fish and the buns as a treat? That would make it hard for others to take him seriously, right? Still though, it’s not quite as bad him giving away chocolate eggs, especially ones shaped as bunny rabbits. And didn’t Jesus have a problem with gluttony? Sure his resurrection should be celebrated, but in such a strange way? It’s like someone celebrating a new Prime Minister by throwing an anarchic punk concert.
On the subject of being random, there’s an old Stephen Fry sketch where he says a short sentence that has almost certainly never been said before. Here’s one of mine: ‘Bubble my herring-faced uncle sideways.’ Don’t you think it’s funny a sentence of just six words could be unique? I do. But it’s not TRULY random as all ideas come from somewhere. Don’t worry though, as I have patented my own method of being super-baffling. What you do is pick a time on a Youtube video or whatever, (such as 12:34) and when a presenter/actor/whatever says a word at that time, that’s the random word you choose. Then you repeat the process with different times until you get a demented sentence. Here’s one of mine: ‘That and there, where subdued’. Almost sounds poetic, right? What was my motivation for writing it? You and I know there wasn’t one and THAT’S how you really screw with someone, not in the know. Here’s another phrase: ‘Translator unique I it robots.’ Not so deep. But again, that’s the point. ‘To Sega 92 wars when?’ sounds like something coming from a schizophrenic.
I’ll tell you what’s REALLY random, though. Interestingly, I wasn’t even trying to be nonsensical this time. Out of curiosity, I Googled Lancaster bombers. It says the planes cost £50,000 each at the most. That can’t be right, can it? Many cars are more expensive. I kid you not, Google says they cost at least £45!!!! I swear! This is the actual quote: ‘Unit cost: £45-50,000’! That’s what it says! £45 for a whole aircraft! No wonder the English won the battle of Britain! They must have outnumbered the Germans 10,000-1! I’m definitely not saying I feel bad for the Germans, REALLY I’m not, but they must have been scared out of their minds! It makes me wonder how the Nazis did so well at the start of the war. I bet they thought the English were complete morons.
Back to Easter! Well, I’ve eaten way too much rubbish and I’m feeling ever so slightly ill. Furthermore, my teeth hate me. What’s worse is I knew that would happen. That’s pretty foolish, isn’t it? Hmm… Is there anything else to talk about? Ok, I’m burning all the sugar out of my system by electrocuting myself with Slendertone. Or I’m trying too; I’m not sure how effective it is. It definitely feels effective though, I have to say. So everything’s good? Not really. I used to think exercising was enough to be healthy, but would you believe it, you have to eat properly, too?? Since dramatically reducing my sugar intake, my blood sugar levels have dropped from the healthy but not spectacular 5s (out of what, I don’t know) to the highly admirable 4s. When I get my blood sugar levels monitored when I go to the doctor, I feel a sense of pride I never did before. All it takes is a little self-discipline and you can feel the highs I do, too. Oh and happy egg day! That’s it! Bye!