You know when I wrote about buying presents for a mega double ultra birthday party? After a good three weeks, I had the celebration yesterday with my dad and my brother’s family in a super duper steakhouse! Naturally me and my dad arrived first and had a bit of waiting around to do, but not to worry, in the meantime, I was offered a drink by a waiter. I was given a drinks menu and some of the wines were a bit pricey, so I felt a bit awkward asking for one. In the end I thought it best to be as vague as possible. I simply asked for red wine and it worked - no questions were asked. A bit weird in hindsight, maybe the waiter got me the most expensive red wine after seizing the opportunity. Soon enough, my brother arrived with my sister in law, my two nieces and one nephew. After looking at the food menu, I explained to my brother I could handle a 900 or so calorie steak. I explained that 900 calories was about the same size as a fairly big burger, and I got no reaction. I don’t know why that was. Maybe because I was wrong, maybe because it was a damn fine comparison and he was quietly impressed. Whatever the case, I wasn’t 100% sure of that fact myself, so if it was forgotten, maybe it worked out for me. Who wants to be wrong in a steakhouse? Ok, that was random.
I explained to my family that I wanted to get a steak main course I forget the name of, but my brother said the rib eye steak would probably be better. Not a particularly appetising name, but I guess maybe it’s not quite as bad as eye rib steak. What’s an eye rib? A curved bone sticking out of someone’s eye?? Yuck. Would you believe my toddler relatives were less squeamish than me? I guess I better get my act together, but deep down I’m proud. When I was their age, I didn’t even like eating cabbage. Usually food that has been aged for about a month would be a seriously bad idea, I wonder why steaks are so special. Still, I take the establishment’s word for it. Experimenting with ageing your own foods is incredibly dangerous and if that wasn’t enough, it wouldn’t even taste nice! (Although I once let a grape age and it genuinely tasted a lot more flavourful than its non-aged brothers). I can’t remember the exact name of the starter I was interested in, (not out of rebelliousness, I just didn’t think it mattered) but it was some kind of beef. The name alone suggested it was fancy beef. The dessert (yes, dessert too! Oh my word) I was intrigued by, was a creme brûlée. I didn’t want it so much because of the ingredients, but more the calorific value. About 500 calories? Hm. A nice full meal, without being OTT!
Whatever starter I ordered, it tasted just as fancy as it sounded. We may have went to a steak place (how complicated can a chunk of cooked meat be?) but the first course did actually have some very interesting flavours. Super impressed. How impressive was the steaky main course? Tbh, I know very little about cooking food (all I REALLY know is you cook things by heating them, and THAT’S IT) but as simple as it sounded in theory, it tasted very nice, if a little chewy in places. I guess cooking meat is harder than I thought. The establishment shouldn’t get too excited though, as I respect anyone who can cook food without poisoning everyone. The salad side I ordered (I believe all sides were some form of salad, though I may have made that up due to my classic poor attention skills) wouldn’t normally interest me, but the sauce on the veg did a great job at masking the (almost certainly) undesirable taste. Even so, the thought of tasting nothing but sauce bored me after half a minute or so. Naturally, you cant go wrong with desserts, so I ate all of that filled with happy thoughts. (Although I discarded the leaf on top of the thing as I thought it was at best pointless and at worst like eating grass).
After everything was eaten, I asked for a gin and tonic. Please note my dad was driving, as if not, it would obviously be very much illegal. I also had a question for my brother I meant to ask him months ago, when he first talked about his own dental hygiene appointment: ‘Did it hurt?’ Because mine really did. Judging by his reaction, it hurt him much less than me. I mean… ow. He asked me how my RPG game was going and I explained it was about half finished. I hoped no one was listening in on that conversation (people often listen to me for a wide variety of reasons) because it’s hard to say you’re writing an adventure about spoons without sounding extremely childish. At around that point, I believe I saw one of my old mental health nurses working at the place. Was he pleased to see me? Did I cause him happy memories? Judging by his face, no. Not an ideal example to set to children, but at least he didn’t share any embarrassing anecdotes about me as there are a few. As I began to leave the place, I tried to touch my nose with my finger, out of curiosity. All good, but it was fairly difficult walking perfectly straight. Again, not an ideal example. On the drive back home, I asked my dad to stop by at the local petrol station so I could buy more sugary treats, just as a ‘one off’. Yeah right. For the last time, sugar addiction IS real. That was the day out basically, so… bye!