Yesterday, I went to the London Comedy Writers meeting. Turns out I didn’t have to print out a ticket to go there. That was a bit of a surprise, as after booking my appointment online I got an email header saying ‘Your Tickets for London Comedy Writers Meeting’ and I had a ticket to download. It’s nice to know my confusion wasn’t my fault. And it REALLY wasn’t. The ticket news was a relief, as I hate using my printer as the computer it’s connected to is ancient, rubbish and almost unusable and the printer isn’t much better. In fact, you could make an argument, saying it’s worse. To say it did what I told it to do in a hit and miss manner would be an understatement, and if I sold it online with that strangely complimentary and misleading description I would get angry reactions. Of course no one in their right mind would buy a hit and and miss printer, but you know what I mean. Well maybe it could be a birthday present for someone who is disliked. ’Why don’t you connect the printer to your good computer? That would at least make things a little easier.’ Na.
So that news was nice. Making things even better, I at no point got a dirty hand in London like I did on my previous two visits, but I’ll get on to that, later. As I left for the meeting, my dad wasn’t in, so that meant I had the responsibility of making sure the doors were locked and my dog was nice an snug inside. That may not sound like much to you, but if I don’t check things around fifty thousand times, I don’t feel sure of myself. Fifty thousand checks of the back door, fifty thousand checks of the front door, fifty thousand checks of my dog, it adds up, you know? Making things even worse, dogs move, don’t they? Imagine checking things over and over and over, then realising something has gone somewhere else, so you have to check THAT place over and over. It sucks, it really does. Then I had to check if my ticket was in my wallet, if I actually had a wallet, my keys and my arguably unnecessary earplugs for the train. But a least I didn’t have to check my LCW ticket.
When I got to the meeting, I bought a lager. The glass had ‘Crafted to refresh’ written on it. But the drink dehydrates you… Either the lager company has a massive misunderstanding of their own product or they are flat out lying. If they are confused, it makes you wonder what else they got wrong. If they’re not confused, why not just be honest and say ‘crafted to make you feel relaxed, drunk or in the extreme, bladdered’? Would that put people off the drink? I don’t think so. It may even make it sound more attractive. Early on in the event as I half listened to what was going on around me, a chilling phrase got picked up by my ears. I quote ‘I did twenty-five years’. What did he do twenty-five years for? That’s worse than murder. Yet the guy saying it was being completely casual and even jovial. Is this the kind of event I want to be a part of? Disturbingly, the phrase didn’t even get the slightest negative reaction. Or maybe I took it out of context. I don’t know how though. It really is mostly associated with jail. Oh yes, and about the dirty hand I didn’t get… I didn’t get one! Bye!