I have a new idea for a TV program! Basically, it’s a spoof game show. It may be a bit controversial, but if done tastefully I think it could work. So, the presenter is a perfectly respectable individual, but the co-presenter is a reformed convict. ‘That’s pretty intense’. Yes. In fact - now don’t judge me for thinking this up - he’s a killer. Again, it has to be done tastefully, I’m just not 100% sure how it would work. Maybe a funny hat could lighten the mood, maybe it would make things more disturbing. (??) Anyway, the criminal causes a lot of resentment, to put it mildly. The presenter could say things like ‘The contestants are really KILLING it, aren’t they? Really that’s what I would expect from you.’ Or ‘These guys are on fire! Coincidentally, I believe you set fire to crime scenes to destroy evidence, didn’t you?’ And the co-presenter could respond by saying ‘I’ve done my time’. The main guy could then say ‘Is that all?’ and the co guy could say ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Then the main man could say ‘You didn’t do in anyone in jail? As in beat them up?’ Dark, but in my defence, dark humour is a thing. I got the idea when watching a game show where the presenters clearly didn’t like each other. I’m not suggesting they’re MURDERERS, (though it’s not always clear - Joke, JOKE!) I’m just exaggerating (quite a bit, don’t worry) for comic effect. I’m not saying what the show was. That would be pointless. (If you’re not English that last sentence probably confused you. Good. Now you know how I feel in general).
On a similar subject, you sometimes hear people say ‘Well we can’t put EVERYONE in jail can we?’ You might have heard the phrase when someone comments on the masses breaking the 70 mph speed limit. However, there is a very easy solution to prison overcrowding: Bring back the death penalty! You could have the slogan ‘Drive at break neck speed then face trial and break your neck. What’s the difference, really? I mean when you think about it? Right?’ (The extra questions sound authoritative and give the impression of deep, thoughtful wisdom). Yes that would be harsh, but what’s the alternative? Turning the country into a massive prison? How would we do that, really? Hanging dudes would be a lot cheaper than keeping them in jail, too. No, only joking. I actually think FINING everyone would be a better idea. I’m surprised that’s not a more popular concept. This may come as a surprise, but I actually think capital punishment is bad. Also, I don’t really want to give dangerous felons their own TV show. Then again, if they DID get on TV, I would watch them out of morbid curiosity, as I’m sure many would. I doubt it would be informative, though. In my head I’m imagining constant abuse. I guess an extreme version of The Weakest Link. Actually that might… No I’ll leave it.
Now for another tidbit. I guess the last one wasn’t the last one. By that I mean the last tidbit blog wasn’t the last one. Wait, that’s maybe still confusing if you didn’t read it. Never mind. So, the other day I went to a barbecue and in front of one of the middle-aged seated guests was a book for a two year old. Note to him: Be very careful what you sit behind. It could be taken the wrong way. Not only is a grown man reading a book meant for toddlers unusual, it’s flat out disturbing. At least move the thing away from you. Never mind. Too late. Next! As explained not long ago, I have an obsessive need to check everything. How annoying, right? Not always. To confirm if I haven’t accidentally told anyone to (expletive) off, I read what I type both forwards and backwards. For example if I type ‘Hello, I hope you are WELL’, I would read that as both ‘Hello, I hope you are well’ and ‘well are you hope I hello’. Doing so makes finding unwanted and often not meant words a little easier. Where am I going with this? Well it’s a great way to spot palindromes! My record is a five word one, but annoyingly I didn’t write it down, so it’s forgotten. However I do have a cool four word one for you: ‘Do you like rock?/Rock like you do.’ Could be a cool song title.
New tidbit: I was Googling the Office’s Ewen Macintosh, simply because I once saw him at the London Comedy Writers meeting. I saw a link to the man’s wife and clicked on it out of curiosity. Apparently the two got married in 1864. I was thinking ‘Ok…’ and to be honest I’m still having a hard time getting my head around that fact. All sorts of questions have to be raised: Why isn’t this man in the Guinness Book of World Records? He must be at least 172 years old. And how does he look so youthful? Pharmaceutical companies should be all over him. I’ve tried to find the same link again and it doesn’t seem to be there. Either someone has made a huge mistake and corrected himself or MAYBE an angry Mrs. Macintosh doesn’t want to draw further attention to herself and hacked into Google to remove the info. That’s another idea for a more surreal sitcom. Of course I’d need permission, and I don’t think I’d get it. You can see why I’m interested in the idea, though. It simply has never been done before. Anywhooo… Bye!