Yesterday, I planned to go to a London Comedy Writers party in Queens, Queensway, London. But the trains! The rail workers were on strike, meaning it would be hard if not impossible to get home. After a bit of pondering on what to do, I gave up hope in myself and got some emailed instructions from the party planner on how to get KIND of near home by train, and then fully home by taxi. Considering the stress I had last time getting back from the city with no trains, I had balls of steel to think of travelling at all. For a brief moment, I considered joining the SAS. Yep, facing the fear of getting stranded is pretty hardcore, and the army do train for being stranded. Then I realised I prefer writing. Very sensible. What was also sensible, was me getting my tickets a few hours before leaving so I could get the wisdom of station staff and discuss the best railway options. You don’t get that in the ticket machines when the workers leave later on.
Oh my God! My highly logical, train-expert friend sent me an email saying he’d like to come along! Not only would that be less lonely, it would also make travelling far less traumatic. But hang on, it was a get together for the London Comedy Writers, not just anyone. Not to worry, he could always say he is interested in comedy at least, which he is… in that he’s seen some comedies. Sure he isn’t a master on the subject, but who knows everything, right? As we got to Queensway, we had a bit of time to kill before the party started, so we had a short look around the town. Did I see any queens? Nope, not one. Although my friend did point out the interesting fact the Sultan of Brunei owns the place. :O Did I see him there? Nope. Personally, if I owned so much stuff, I’d at least like to visit it in person, not just see it on Google maps which I’m assuming is the only thing he can do (what sultan hangs around masses of commoners?), but it’s nice to have power, I suppose.
We soon went to a local Starbucks, where I got a hot chocolate and cream. The chocolate to cream ratio was near perfect, and no carefully dunked spoon was needed to make sure I consumed both elements at the same time. The baristas were no less than artists, which was something I really did appreciate. I am very familiar with spoiled drinks that could have been so much more. I also got myself some cake. I really don’t want to consume so much sugar, but I’m an addict. Apparently the stuff is just addictive as cocaine, so it’s no joke. One day you want a square of chocolate, the next a whole bar, and finally all you want is chocolate. After all that business, we went to the party in the Queens venue, but as you had to book a table to eat there, we left and went to Pizza Hut.
Unfortunately, the smallest pizza on offer was still pretty big, but what’s wrong with treating yourself, every now and then? To pass the time as we waited for our meals, I had the great idea of putting a small teaspoon worth of some orange powder in my mouth. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Like the cinnamon challenge, but in this case it was the spice challenge. What spice, I don’t know. Paprika, maybe? I’m assuming it was safe as it was in an easily opened glass container. I quickly found out it was pretty nasty, though. My friend then tried a teaspoon, but he was braver than me as he knew it would suck judging by my reaction. Why would we do such a thing? Desperation! Cook your pizzas faster, Pizza Hut, for the good of everyone!
After all THAT business, we went back to Queens. Over a moderate period, I ordered a couple of cocktails and asked if they had caffein in them. The bartender didn’t know for one of them, but I took a gamble and drank it anyway. Balls of steel. Caffein is not good for me, as I often point out. You know what REAL balls of steel were, though? The three chilli challenge, I took part in. ‘What’s that?’ Well, I assumed it would be me eating three chilli peppers. However, I eventually found out that the challenge was three MEALS with chillies in them! But I was full up on pizza! When I was asked to pay £30 pounds for something I didn’t want, I was less than happy. But I should have known what to expect, really; why would I have to wait so long for three lone chillies to be prepared??
Still though, I did eat some of the meals, half of them in fact, and you know what also sucks? I could have happily eaten all of them if I starved myself earlier. They weren’t that hot. I could have been a chilli king! Well that’s what I thought. It turns out, as I was eating my apparent inedible food, no one really cared. So that offered me some comfort. And here’s another thing: If I did gobble all the stuff down, I wouldn’t have to had to pay! That may sound lie a dumb way of running a business, but in land of queens with no queens, I guess nothing makes sense. After dining, me and my friend played some pool, and he won. (I actually got thrashed, I don’t want to talk any more about it). That was to no surprise as I don’t know how to play the game, but I did manage to pot one ball, which is something.
A little later on, a guilty chef gave me my money back because of the whole misunderstanding. I thought that was a bit odd, as it wasn’t exactly like I totally rejected my meal. Far from it - yep, I had half. I guess he was feeling kind and Christmassy. Had I been in the same place in Summer, who knows what would have happened. Maybe well planned abuse towards me and a cover up? You never know. Perhaps because he was jealous of my wad of cash that I totally didn’t earn or deserve, my friend said he wanted to go home. However, his travelling plans were different to mine, he wanted to do a different subway route, then get picked up by his mum with me. Despite not being exactly badass, it did make me feel carefree as I didn’t have to look at my detailed journey instructions that I was told were confusing. :( But they were what I copied from the internet… :S
But hang on, that would mean my train ticket wasn’t valid. Would you believe it, I experienced more Christmas cheer and the final train gate guard (or whatever you call such people) let me through even though I was a long way from where I should have been to put it mildly. I do indeed wish it could be Christmas every day. Am I feeling Christmas cheer as I type this? Nope, I’m in too much pain. I ate too much chilli. No, only joking. But I’m not in the clear yet. Who knows what or might not happen later on, on the bog?? Fingers crossed, eh? Ok, that’s all from me again! Byeeee!