I went to a steam fair with my dad on Saturday because I was hoping my brother’s family would turn up but didn’t, and I also went to a steam fair on Sunday with my pa because my brother’s family DID turn up. I made notes on both days, but rather foolishly, I scribbled them down all over the pages randomly so I don’t know what order the events happened in the first festival. Naturally I can’t really remember exactly, too long ago. (I can remember today). Not to worry, I’m not sure if it really matters, at very least I can describe what the fair was like. :) Unsurprisingly, I may make the fair seem like it was random in doing so, but in my defence I do actually think the fair was pretty random, anyway. There is little I can do to make it more over the top (other than lie, obviously, but that’s bad blogging), as there were quite a range of activities and events. Now let’s go!
Day 1…
As mentioned not long ago, my dad loves to give lectures about things even when other people don’t care. On Saturday the lectures weren’t actually too lengthy! For that reason, I felt it safe to ask him a question: Do steam engines have to run on coal? Would wood do? Big mistake. HUGE lecture. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ was what I was hoping for. It was basically ‘yes’ and that’s all I took in. I mean it would be weird if steam engines had to run on special kinds of fire, wouldn’t it? What’s so special about coal fire? Almost sounds magical. Maybe my dad said coal fires were magical and that’s where I got the idea from. A twisted payback for me not listening. When my dad got his mini steam engine running he let me ride on it. Wow. But as it only went two miles an hour, it was less exciting then jogging and far less exciting than cycling. I get that the thing LOOKS cool, but using it for travel would be insanity as it gets through huge amounts of coal. I never actually asked my dad why the hell he bought the thing. I’m hoping he’s not thinking it’s a valid alternative to those chairs elderly people can ride around on.
Perhaps because the MAIN steam roller attractions were really quite boring in terms of speed even though very big (I’m praying my dad doesn’t go super mad and buy one of those - it’s not impressive, it’s megalomania), there was a ‘special’ event where motorbikes would be riding around. As the ground was flat as far as the eye could see, I was worried the motorbike riding would really just be people riding around in circles. It would actually be an improvement over the steam rollers, but still, who cares? No, no. The bikers rid through rings of fire! Not bad! One of the stranger things I saw was a mobile van which seemed to function as a normal Barclays bank. I understand how people would like to withdraw money, but why would anyone need to take out a loan in such a place, for example?? If the van didn’t provide loans, I’m sorry for assuming, Barclays. No actually, you need to apologise for not labelling the vehicle properly. >:( I even saw an army recruitment centre. Who are they going to recruit? Families with small children and the elderly?? I guess they could recruit me, but I’m too busy blogging. :(
In the background at pretty much all times, there was a guy and sometimes a woman on a speaker system. I think the last time I heard someone chatting over such a system was way back when I was 15. It was a somewhat frightening experience as at the time I thought he was reading my thoughts, so last Saturday was a huge improvement in that respect. However, it should be pointed out that the guy all those years ago could well have been commenting on me at times in subtle ways, as I did stick out, hence the confusion. Sorry for being all over the place, but the tannoy person explained one motorcyclist had a serious motorbike accident a while ago. For whatever reason, I was expecting her to say ‘serious mental breakdown’ which would have been funny. Too much information, isn’t it?
To create at least some structure, towards the end of the day out, I noticed one REAL and not silly-sized steam engine had ‘Angus County Council’ written on it. If you had a problem with the contraption, then it would be Angus beef! I didn’t pee the whole trip out which is impressive for me, despite me drinking a whole bottle of orange juice! Since I’ve been drinking more the last few years, I need to pee less, where’s the logic there? I’ll tell you - it’s training yourself, isn’t it? Well that’s the assumption. If I’m wrong, the world is even crazier than I thought. It’s also strange how there was no ‘bunny’ ice cream on sale like there was in the last steam fair, but there was an apparently vegetarian version of the ice cream with a different name that tasted exactly the same. One more weird thing for you.
Day 2!
This day was exactly the same in every way event-wise as yesterday, but the whole trip out was made infinitely more fun with my brother’s family. I say infinitely, because it was. The prior day was no fun at all because I was hanging around with a father who may be going through some kind of mental breakdown I want no part of, and TODAY I was with people I like. Huge difference. After a short while, I left everyone for another short while to get a can of fizzy pop. I was assuming the £2 I had on me would be enough, instead I had to pay £2.50! I said ‘I really have to pay that much?’ Then the man in the shop said £2 would be enough. I was thinking to myself ‘Oh, so you KNOW you’re ripping me off?’ In a weird way I was thankful, but still I payed more than double what I should have. That’s some advice for you when you’re in a fair - haggle! Back with my brother’s family, we all roamed around the fair as my dad gave rides to people with his mini contraption. Two things that immediately stood out to me were, no surprise, another EVH numberplate AND a numberplate ending with ‘FUN’. Great stuff.
I noticed how some of the music in the background sounded like old Final Fantasy music. If only the fair sold potions, swords and magic, it would have been perfect. The tannoy person said some pretty standard stuff for the most part, but one thing that stood out to me was ‘section A pony.’ Does that mean ‘pony in section A’, or does that mean hospitalise a mentally ill pony? If the latter, I do feel bad, but even so, it’s a story I would tell rather lightheartedly. We browsed mini trains, places selling food and all that stuff. Again, better than hanging around my dad. We all finally met up with him after about an hour and he was STILL giving rides to people! Not only that, he genuinely didn’t seem bored at all. A little after that, me and my brother’s family watched the bikers! (My dad continued giving people rides :S). The lady on the tannoy said ‘if you clap, the motorcyclists ride faster.’ Rubbish, I tried and it didn’t work. I’m not saying that should have sped up as they were only children, but it was still a lie. So yeah, a shorter day out than the day before, but a good few hours of super fun! Bye!